Spousal Abandonment Syndrome and how we help.

Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is something we often come across at Fleming & Co. When one spouse, leaves his or her seemingly happy marriage without any prior warning, abandoning the other and children after a long marriage, an affair is usually involved.

Here is a list of some common factors associated with this “sudden collapse” or Spousal Abandonment Syndrome:

1. There is often no reason to believe that this would occur.
2. The news is usually broken during a random, conversation.
3. When asked why most abandoners won’t respond logically, they won’t admit to an affair, and will often come up with a frivolous excuse.
4. The exiting spouse usually turns incredibly cold and vindictive towards the victim. Victims will often see their loving, doting spouse suddenly turn into a vicious and cruel unidentifiable ‘monster’, often refusing help with money, emotional support, and even child support. They exhibit zero remorse, treating the victim like a stranger.
5. When they reveal that they’re leaving, it’s often a “fait accompli.” No amount of begging will convince them to stay. Often, the abandoner will systematically devalue everything that they had. ‘I have been unhappy for years’. ‘I never loved you’. The recipient will be completely shocked and distraught, not recognising, except in appearance, the person making such statements.
6. Lastly, the abandoner shows zero remorse, no guilt, no shame and the abandoner may even start a smear campaign against the spouse.

It’s jarring and scary. What’s scarier still is that there’s often no way to prevent it happening.

The abandoner often seems to have bottled up resentments for years and dedicated time to planning an exit, the catalyst being an affair. Many victims are left grieving for the marriage that was, and comment that the death of the partner would have been far easier to cope with.

Sadly, Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is increasing, for reasons not entirely clear but mid-life crisis, children reaching adulthood, financial strain may be a few. The good news, if you are or have been a victim of this, is that there are a lot of people like you, and Fleming & Co can put you in touch with others to talk to and share your story and help you heal. Friends and family help but only fellow sufferers understand the depth of pain this Spousal Abandonment Syndrome causes. Like many traumas, the person who comes out the other end, with excellent support and time, is often a stronger and happier one.

Contact us for expert advice on all matters of family law.